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Once again I am left feeling like we are still living in the long gone era sometimes, where women are treated as stock to be purchased and sold and where tradition matters above all else. I'm being hyperbolic of course, but it's so interesting to witness these outdated traditions take place in front of my eyes and see people just roll with it and be fine with it, or tolerate it for the sake of "keeping peace". Where do I begin... These thoughts have been born out of me hearing about two weddings that took place in the past two months. My sister went to her childhood friend's wedding and my best friend went to a wedding as a +1 to a woman we're both familiar but not awfully close with. Let's start with my sister's friend. She has a well paying job, she's smart, loves living in a city, is very into classy things, has a specific music taste, wasn't interested in having kids, is not religious etc. She met her now husband right after ending a very drawn out relationship. Her husband also just got out of his relationship with an ex fiance that cheated on him - they had already planned their life together, prepared for kids (I'm talking buying car seats for kids, diapers, in the process of making a room for the baby with furnishing), their parents made a second floor of the house just for them (pretty common in village-y areas in my country) etc. So it would seem they both used each other as replacements for their previous partners. This is just me tinfoiling of course... But their wedding was the weird part. My sister's friend had been planning it for months, it was very expensive and grand, and despite her family being non religious - she went ahead and did the catholic sacraments because her husbands family wanted them to get married in the church, they're hardcore catholics. I'll get to this later, because boy, will this same story get repeated. So the wedding - 80% of the guests were related to the husband. There were tons of guests, and my sister's friend only invited her closest family and a handful of friends. Everything else, from the music to the vibe to the traditions being celebrated was catered to the husband's family. Where is her identity in this? Where is the music she likes? Nowhere, she didn't even sing a single song. What??? You're telling me you've been planning this for months, and for who? Your husbands family? Bleak. Her 3 sisters were appalled and and weirded out by the whole thing, commenting with my sister how they feel like they don't know their own sister anymore. As if she'd been consumed by a cult. Well alright I guess you could say she's the type of person that doesn't stand up for herself much, and she wanted to please her husbands rich family. She did it to keep the peace and not make any trouble because her life has now basically been set in stone and she tied herself to this family because she'll be living with them for what can be implied for the rest of her marriage. The next one however... The next one is a girl that is very well educated, with a really good job as well. She's incredibly smart, kind but is also not afraid to be kind of alternative, is a feminist and so on. Her husband is also a great guy, they're a great couple and I can't say anything negative about their relationship from what I know. His family however, are once again, big catholics. So once again, we had a church wedding because of course, it's the husband's family that matters most, not the bride OR the groom himself (he can't stand up to his family it would seem). Surprisingly the wedding was done in her hometown (because it's cheaper probably), but it was a large wedding. Done in a very traditional way with the groom coming to pick up the bride at her family home, cringe theatrics with the priest telling her how she's going to have to be a good little broodmare, the whole thing. The wedding reception itself was alright and fun for both of them, but this is where I'm confused. You're both smart people that can stand their ground - why for the love of god, do you continue to perpetuate these retarded traditions when I know both of them are against it? How can you as a self respecting woman listen to that corrupt pedo incel priest tell you that your purpose in life now is to open your legs and please your husband and be a good little bangmaid when you have a degree and an amazing job? I am a scared little mouse most of the times but if that was said to me I'd stand up and walk away. It pisses me off to no end. I don't know their situation so I'm probably speaking out of my ass, but nobody can tell you what to do. It's your wedding, your celebration, your union. No your families should have 0 say in it, no matter how important they are to you. Your values should be respected, and nobody else's. I'm sick of people groveling in front of families that are not even blood related to them. Your husbands mother did not give birth to you, you owe nothing to her, as you owe nothing to your own mother either because you didn't ask to be born. It's your life for fucks sake. People come to your wedding to celebrate you!!!!! AHHHHHHHH. I hate weddings. And I understand that they feel like it's a big deal and they don't want to upset anyone but you know what? Even these hardcore catholic families would probably "forgive" you for getting married at the registrar's office. They'd be disappoint for a few months maybe, but it would wane with time. Nobody will give a fuck. We don't live in a society where these things have heavy repercussions to them, we really don't. What's the worst thing that can happen, a few awkward family dinners and your husbands family mildly disliking you? Who fucking cares, you're not going to live with them anyway and they live on the other end of the country. Seriously. If you're not brainwashed (BOTH of these women weren't) then stop perpetuating this cycle, stop bowing down to ridiculous traditions and shrugging it off. And no, this doesn't fall under "respecting" your s.o.'s family because the only people that should be respected at a wedding are the two people getting married. That's it... You're free to respect their disrespectful religion at their own events.