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AT LAST. I'm done with my exams. Now I can finally say I only have my thesis left. And the driving theory next week. Ahhh I hope I'll pass it. I don't even think it's embarrassing to fail it because you need 90% to pass and the questions are just made to trick you so instead of it being a theory test it's more like a reading comprehension test but the waiting time to take the test again is FIFTY DAYS. Bitch???? Seriously? So I need to pass it on the first try. At this point I consider myself to be the queen of second tries so I'm a bit scared... But enough about that.. I have some bad(tm) thoughts brewing.
Recently some Genshin Impact VA has been accused of abhorrent behaviour. So abhorrent that in fact I'm weirded out how rumors haven't been appearing earlier, but maybe they have and I just didn't hear about it since I'm not in the Genshin Impact community because I'm a #team-mobile-game-hater. Yes we exist. We will rise up one day, just you wait. Anyway, I want to say how weirded out I am by this whole... situation. I'm not going to victim blame children, although I will lend you some advice if you're a child reading my diary for some reason. DO NOT talk to random scrotum-havers about your issues. DO NOT vent to them. DO NOT speak about your personal life to them. What do you, a 13 year old, have in common with a 24 YEAR OLD MALE with a receeding hairline??? Damn, the dude is a whole year younger than me. Did not expect that. You've got friends, family, teachers. You've got anonymous venting apps and websites if you really need to scream into the void. You've probably got online friends YOUR AGE that you could vent to (but I wouldn't really encourage that) but please, don't vent to some dude just because he voices a character you like... As for the adult women... I'm honestly perplexed. I can't imagine what would compel an adult to vent to A VOICE ACTOR. Vic Mangina all over again. How does one even form a parasocial relationship to a voice actor? What higher power told you to tell a man that doesn't even know you that you cut yourself????????? WHY do you think a random dude would even want to hear about that stuff??????????? If he wasn't an asshole that deserves to rot, why would you subject a random stranger to that information? I'll never get that, I cannot for the love of god wrap my head around it. AND DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT STRANGER DANGER ANYMORE?!?!?!? I swear, internet makes people collectively lose braincells and forget common courtesy, common sense and what boundaries are. It's really simple. Would you walk up to some guy in a store and tell him your parents fought yesterday and three days ago you tried to commit suicide? Do you think he'd be freaked out? I would. YOU would be if someone did that to you. NOW IMAGINe that guy is also a predator that loves to prey on weak people. "OH look at this dumb bitch she came to me and exposed her weakness unprompted, I didn't even have to work for it". EASY. For god's sake, women forget men are statistically our biggest predator. Don't ever forget that.
In other news, I got two more tattoos on Monday oh yeahhhh. I will not be posting them even though I REALLY want to, but I'm so satisfied. I found a perfect artist in my tiny country!! She's got incredible style, and it's right up my alley. I'm only regretful of being slightly too autistic while she was tattooing me. I don't know how to talk with people I'm not familiar with so it kind of felt like an extended hair salon experience. I hope she didn't mind too much, I pretended I was studying because I had an exam the day after, the truth is I couldn't really focus since she was tattooing me LOL. It's funny because my sister went and got tattooed two weeks ago, and then the same girl tattooed my mom a week ago and I was with them and we all chatted in such a relaxed manner but when I'm 1 on 1 with someone I turn into an idiot.
I'm starting to feel so big and wide. WHY am I developing body dysmorphia in my mid 20s oh my god lmao. Well not really, I really love my body and love seeing myself in the mirror... But whenever somebody posts a picture with me in it I look HUGE. My BMI is right in the middle of a healthy range, but I'm starting to feel kind of flabby recently. Well, I need to start working out more seriously, but it's a problem because I'm at home and my dad is obsessed with stuffing me with food. It's like his only way of showing love, and he showers me with snacks. He makes incredibly tasty dinners lately too and I'm begging him to swap it for lunch so that I can have light dinners but noooo. It's like he has "too much money" since he stopped smoking (he doesn't really he earns slightly above minimum wage). I also have no workout clothes, maybe it's time to buy some and start running. I hate running, but cycling made me lose 0 weight. Absolutely 0 and I'd do like 10km+ every day. Don't know whats up with that. I probably should've done more but anything more than 45 mins of exercise bores me the fuck outtttt. All of my friends started going to the gym but I could not bear working out in front of people. Running into random runners on the road is embarrassing enough for me. I just want to get back to my pre-contraception pills weight. FUCK hormones. Once my tattoos heal I'm goooooing. For sure. I swear.
A few days ago, I got into an online shopping mood. Usually I don't enjoy online shopping as much as I enjoy going into a mall, spending 4 hours trying stuff out, rewarding myself with a nice lunch and then making decisions on what to buy, preferably with my mom and sister with me. I love that experience, but I know most people hate that. Nothing hits as good as clothes actually fitting you well though... Well anyway, I finally ordered a menstrual cup. F I N A L L Y. All of my friends got them and are singing praises, and I'm ready to be converted. I just simply can't wear pads anymore unless they're in the one specific brand that's unavailable in the country I'm in right now. And I don't have the foresight nor the luggage space to buy like 4 packs of pads before travelling. I don't like tampons outside of using them for swimming, but a menstrual cup sounds nice. I hope I won't have any issues with it. Next.. I finally ordered a protective screen cover for my phone. My current one is all full of air bubbles all of a sudden and I managed to scratch it in the middle of the screen so it bothers me. Lastly, I bought some makeup... I love my eyeshadows and lipsticks and now I'll be set with eyeshadow for an eternity because eyeshadow doesn't expire and I think I'll have all possible shades that I enjoy. I ordered one risky shade though, a light blue one... I'll never be able to figure out my skin undertone because even though warm eyeshadow looks great on me, cold browns look the best, and this frosty blue was paired with like 3 cold browns so... crossing my fingers because I wanted a trendy shade lmao. I really hate mindless consooming and owning a ton of shit but I only do a thing like this maybe once every couple of years so maybe it's not such a horrible thing. Let me cope... Speaking of which I was writing a huge article/blogpost about my experience and views on makeup but it's taking me forever to finish it. I keep re-writing it, which is unusual for me. Soon tm. Even this diary post has been marinating on my pc since the 1st of February. What's wrong with me? I also read so much manga that I haven't reviewed yet, that I started keeping a little backlog diary. I'll be going wild with reviews once my exams finish. I'm expecting to fail this week, and then succeed on my second try next week and the one after. Hopefully. After that, I can unleash my autism.
For a while now I've been a part of a discord of a website I used to be an active poster in. Don't want to give out too many details because I almost got myself cancelled on there so um yeah. Anyway, it's funny that a few years ago I'd get in such stupid arguments over kids and their relationship with porn. A very controversial topic for sure, and a lot of people got really offended by me saying how a lot of young men are suffering from brain rot and porn addiction, and how young girls are being groomed into getting only fans, how suddenly choking is just a "kink" and everyone must be expected to do it but somehow it's always men doing the choking bla bla you get the shtick. Well, well, well... These same views that made me infamous are now being expressed in that discord by the same people that wanted to burn me on a stake for it lmao. Ohhhh how I made people side-eye me, and now they're parotting this evil, radfemmy :////// ideology behind my back (or so they thought)!!!! Ha Ha Ha. Well, I'm glad they're growing as people. Another funny thing is that 2 years ago they were all deeply entrenched in the "fujoshis are evil gay male fetishizers!!!" but all of a sudden all of them removed fujoshis from their DNI's. I wonder why the tide is turning lmao. I must be missing out on some spicy twitter discourse.
In other news I'm sick of newfags AHHHHHHHHH. Please lurk more when integrating into a community PLEASEEEEEEEE. Also I'm sick of discord. That is all.