7th of April: More Reminiscing, Menstrual Cup Time Oh Yeahhh

I passed my driving theory test!! I failed two weeks ago so I was right about the queen of the second tries thing. I was off by 1 point and anxiety has been eeeeeating me out since then, until yesterday. For some reason I really fell into a downward spiral of negative thoughts regarding my general knowledge when like... I know better not to do that and usually failing is not a problem at all but I guess since I was off by only one point I felt like I would never do that well again LOL. Weird shit, but I was also experiencing a weird case of depressive pms so that's probably the explanation. I found out, through a friend of a friend, that the tattoo artist my sister had a negative experience with has a mean streak and he usually overcharges for sloppy work so... bullet dodged! Love to feel vindicated. Most importantly, I bumped into my elementary/middle school classmate at my driving school. She was also doing the theory test and passed so we went to drink coffee which then turned into a few beers.. I was so glad to see her. We were never super close in middle school even though our general interests and vibes aligned, I'm not sure why I never got closer to her but I definitely kind of regret it. I found out a lot of juicy info about my former classmates, one of them being that girl I wrote about, whom I used to have a mild crush on. Oh man the news about her really hit me like a truck for some reason. I really want to see her now, but she moved all the way east in the country and I have no idea how to contact her because she has no social media. I could go through her mother but... we'll see about that, I'd have to gather my courage. Apparently she did a 180 on her life and now has a husband and a child (or is pregnant - somewhere along those lines) and that caused a visceral reaction in me, to be honest. She was always steps above me in being a hardcore diy punk, always devoted to the lifestyle and very expressive, even though she DID hop between smaller subcultures often and go through phases with copying whoever was coolest in the group at the time, but still I simply can't imagine her living the white picket fence life in floral sundresses and long flowing hair with a cute softspoken voice like my classmate described her when she last saw her in 2018 (and I saw her last in 2017!). Why do I feel almost betrayed LMAO. It's ridiculous to hold onto ideas of people from they were in literal middle school but I always had this weird internal self obsession with being true to myself, so when people seem to change heavily like this in the span of a year, it shocks me! Maybe I'm projecting, or maybe my inability to accept that people change is just jumping out right now.. Maybe I changed too little? Anwyway, I want to see her, I NEED to be the judge. Maybe I don't know her anymore, but I know she's going to call me by my nickname the moment she sees me, just like she did in 2017 after we haven't seen each other for 5 years. One other wild thing about this whole situation and why I was so freaked out is that a few months ago I had a dream about her - AND SHE WAS PREGNANT. AND THAT WAS DURING HER ACTUAL REAL LIFE PREGNANCY THAT I HAD NO IDEA WAS TAKING PLACE. Freakiest shit man, I usually never dream of my former friends being pregnant, and she especially rarely appears in my dreams. In the dream we were catching up on life and she did look totally different, similar to how my classmate described her. Isn't that the freakiest shit...

Little warning for a lot of period talk. Finally, my period arrived after the surgery aghhhhhh. It was 3 weeks late. I got to try the cup for the first time. The first insertion didn't go well LMAO. I put it in fine, but I had cramps and the cup somehow made me feel bloated, and when I lied down in bed I felt like I had to poop. I thought this was the end, wasted 20€ or however much I paid for it.. Rip I'll never be a cup girlie converted to the cup cult... But then the next morning I decided to try again and this time I pushed it in just a bit further, last time the vacuum sealed too early and I guess it was in too shallow so it felt uncomfortable? After I inserted it properly I didn't even feel it. I need two hands to take it out though but that will probably get easier with practice.. I need to grip the stem with two fingers and then use my other index finger to push on the cup and break the seal and then finally pull down. Try to imagine how silly that looks. Even with all these gymnastic feats I had to do I have to say it's more comfortable to put in and insert compared to tampons. I hate how dry they feel. I found a good insertion method that I'm happy with. It's a lot less messy than I expected too, the blood isn't really liquid-y so there's almost 0 risk of it spilling from the cup. Anyway, would recommend, but I still need a couple more periods to pass to form a more educated opinon.