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I haven't written anything in a while because of a couple of things. First I have to finish a few books for uni so all of my brain power is currently being sent in that direction but at the same time I'm procrastinating a bit which means I'm doing literally nothing. I've also been busy with other life related things and... something pretty bad happened but if I wrote about it here I'd doxx myself even more than I have already so I can't really write about it. Just another obstacle in my mess of a life. Something good might come out of it though, I might finally start the process of getting a drivers licence... Better late than never. I was actually supposed to get it at 18 but my dad drank away all that money my parents saved for me so :). After that life happened, and as it turns out getting a drivers licence while in a long distance relationship is kind of hard to do when all of your money is being spent on plane tickets. But this is still a maybe, nothing in my life is certain it seems, everything might go back to normal instead. Life troubles aside, I noticed a really weird trend lately. If anyone from Eastern Europe/Balkans is reading this, do let me know if you noticed the same. A lot of my former classmates and people I know generally are suddenly visiting muslim countries ONLY. Tunisia, Turkey, UAE, Saudi Arabia, Egypt.. The list goes on?? If I ever dare to check facebook, all I see are stories from my female friends covered head to toe in deserts lmfao. Are these countries just super cheap to visit right now or what... I know Turkeys currency went way down but man this has been happening for the last 3 years. I finally watched Gone Girl, after years and years of hearing about it. Don't read the rest of this entry if you don't want to be spoiled lmao. My sister urging me to do it recently finally made me watch it. I already knew practically everything important about it, the Cool Girl monologue, the Neil Patrick Harris scene, the whole plot and all... But honestly I was a bit surprised by the ending of the Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss: The Movie. A lot of people praise it as this big feminist movie, but at the end she stays with her husband? Really? I like movies about women losing their minds though, so I found it really entertaining and fun, but everything I heard about it against my will in the past kind of gave me a totally different idea of the ending and the whole point of the movie. She's just stuck with her asshole husband, and for what? Yes yes she got him good and all that, but idk, rubs me the wrong way. I revel in the fact her retard husband is going to be punished but at the same time she's going to waste her life on that which doesn't make it much different from just staying in the first place. Not exactly the feminist separatist idea I had in mind when going in lmao. I had the exact same feeling when watching Midsommar, also way later than it came out. I heard so much "yass girlpower feminist revenge fantasy" talk about it and.. she just got in a cult? And innocent people died - not just her asshole boyfriend, so what's the point really? I know a part of it is memes, but sometimes it feels like people miss the point of movies really hard. Like the media I watch doesn't have to be perfectly feminist or whatever x ideology I'm into, I just hate when it's being touted as such when it isn't? Maybe the Cool Girl monologue made a lot of points and female rage is great but then the ending just goes back on all of that! I was also really interested to see why exactly the main character was so hated by her husbands twin sister. She was a bitch, why? Maybe the book gave more context on that, but I have this thing where I just can't bring myself to read the source material after I watch a movie, except for Harry Potter, so I guess I'll never know. I don't have this issue with manga interestingly enough.
Everything that's been happening online lately has been pissing me off, I really need to take a step back a bit. First the Twitter thing. Elon Musk is a retard, but why are twitter users so outraged anyway? Do they seriously think all of the past Twitter ceo's are magically better people just because they don't have a cringy online presence? That they always had the userbase's best interests in mind? Hint: they didn't. At the very least, twitter is extremely unpopular in my country, to the point that if you meet someone that publicly says they're a twitter user you can safely discard them into the "most likely cringe, tries really hard to be liked by americans for some reason" bin. All huge social media is cancer. Then the blue check marks. Oh goddddddddddd. First the ones on tumblr, they do the same thing twitter does but "ironically" so now it's funny. Either way you have to pay? Beats the point. Then the Neocities ones. Dear lord why would you associate neocities with twitter, even as a joke. I don't really care if disgruntled twitter users come here but this epic dunking on Musk by using the same methods he's using is idiocy to the highest degree. It's just not funny. And lastly the.... dreamie... situation. I never want to speak about neocities drama ever again but - SHE SAID I WAS RIGHT WING BECAUSE I REVIEWED A BOOK THAT CRITICALLY TALKS ABOUT RIGHT WING WOMEN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I had to get that out of my system. And no, I don't want "people like her" dead, what an emotional manipulator. I sincerely hope she'll go offline for a bit (who am I kidding) and learn to read books a bit further down than just the title. I think it would do her good!
Anyway, I really need to lay it off for a bit, for the past couple of days I've been using my valuable free time on absolute bullshit, and I couldn't pull myself away from the screen. Instead of actually talking with people I want to talk to. I started reading Danilo Kiš's biography written by Mark Thompson - some british historian dude that covered the war here in the 90s. It was recommended to me by my teacher, so far it seems good. Hope it'll help on the exam in February.
It's book fair season!!! I went yesterday, on the first day, with my mom and my sister. I love dressing up for it lol. I bought 5 books, 3 I really wanted to read and 2 random really cheap/used ones that caught my eye. One of them being volume 6 of Vampire Knight lmao. I have a small manga/book shelf I'm planning on scanning with my horrible old scanner, going to finally make a library gallery soon. Continuing with the trend from my last post, I overheard a funny conversation again, albeit this one was much shorter. I was standing next to a book stand full of fantasy books, naturally JKR was there in the mix, and I heard a girl loudly and proudly exclaim to her friend how she can't support the horrible licheral nazi author anymore and how she was so disappointed bla bla. Not even a sentence later, in the same breath she exclaims just as loudly how she's going to buy Lovecrafts books and finish her collection lmao. Like, girl!!!! The cognitive dissonance... Anyway, I'm not sure why but nothing makes me more excited than the silly book fair. It's such a shame they stopped selling as many trinkets/stationery as they did before when I was a child. But it's still a fun time regardless. I think I said the exact same thing last year.
Something I forgot to mention last time, but I watched Dahmer when I was with my sister. It was er... worse than I expected. Despite not really being into it, I have this weird tradition to binge watch true crime shows exclusively when I'm sleeping over at my sisters and so far most of the stuff we watched was pretty good but man... they really tried their best to make you feel horny for Dahmer, or Evan Peters, I guess. Half off topic but I just got reminded over how my ex had this weird period of being "into" Dahmer when he was like, 14. Anyway, it was uncomfortable to watch at parts and the jerking off scenes were promptly skipped by my foot while we were watching it together and cringing. At the same time, I'm really sick and tired of people (weirdly a lot of men) being so outraged because women found Evan Peters hot as Dahmer when that was clearly the point of many scenes and you can't really blame people for, well, falling for the trap I guess. There's this strange outrage culture/shade throwing/outward disgust/harsh judgement for women saying they find problematic men hot and it materialized specifically now in the form of annoying youtube liberal video essays which while I fully agree hybristophiles are strange and I don't think these kind of thoughts, if you have them, should really be vocalized very loudly out of some basic respect and decency, nor should you contact serial killers about how much you thirst for them, AT THE SAME TIME, I'm tired of women getting shat on for liking reenactments of shady men (directed by men lmao) when shady porn tropes will always be the first thing you see when you open pornhub and we all know how much men love their underage incest "rough sex" porn don't we... Being a chronical sufferer (believer?) of "I can fix him because I'm a turbo nlog" is the less harmful one in the grand scheme of things, yet I'm not seeing as many video essays talking about the porn tropes and what kind of harm they can cause by those concerned video essayists HMMMMM. Funnily enough just earlier today I saw this YouTube video of a man listing porn tropes to the police as a reason why he should be allowed to stalk a woman LMFAO what a coincidence. On the other hand, the amount of silly goofy one liners said by Evan Peters in the show that are now sounds on tiktok are just.. lmao! For a generation of young adults/teens that are so overly concerned and sensitive not to offend anyone, it sure is weird to see them handle the show in this way, even though the show made a point to make fun of it, even though the show did the exact same thing it made fun of, even though the show was really disrespectful to the victims... It's crazy on so many levels.
Phew, I sure went on a tangent there. Today I went to the court to take care of some more documents. It was the first time I ever went to the court, and it was an interesting experience to stand in line with a man in cuffs while I waited for my certificate of good conduct lol. During this week I had to take care of a lot of bureocratic stuff and all the ladies taking care of my requests were so nice and kind... Bit out of the ordinary but I'm not complaining. Despite the fact that we're like midway into autumn, the weather is still pretty sunny and comfortable during those 3-4 hours of sunlight, then it goes back to like 12-4°C. I remember last year was pretty depressing during this time, but no doubt the rainy days are coming soon.
Oh and if you're reading this and I haven't replied to your e-mails in a while (or at all), I'm sorry I'll get to it soon, my computer time is a bit limited at the moment but this weekend I should have enough time if my plans to visit my friend get delayed.. I also have some people I've been meaning to contact but I keep delaying it agh!!!
I'm back in my country, visiting my family and getting some documents like my passport sorted out, that's why I haven't written anything for a while. I spent the last 4 days at my sister's place and we had so much fun. I finally bought a classic pair of docs, my sister bought the Jadons. As much as I like platform boots, I prefer to be closer to the ground and to be able to run comfortably and I always feels obstructed in anything with a platform. When I want to look pretty I do have a pair of platformed derbies from Zara, from last year I think. But these will be everyday wear so.. I used to own a pair of 1461 martens, the derbies, and they wrecked my feet so badly. I tried to break them in for 2 years, to no avail. I gave up and sold them, and learned my lesson - go a size up. Now I bought these and have been wearing them for 3 days non-stop with no issues so, yay! It sucks that a lot of more quality boots that I see people talk about online just aren't available here, and the shipping would cost too much, so I had to settle for these, kind of. Hoping they'll last long at least. I also really hate ordering shoes online, if I can't try them on first I don't want to buy them. The day I was on my way to visit my sister, I was taking the tram as I would usually. Across from me, which is like half a meter away, were two young men, uni aged, I'd say around 20 max, younger than me for sure. One of them had greasy, slicked back mid length hair that could've used a trim, with a light blue linen two piece suit, I assumed he was going to or from some event, but either way the choice of suit was really weird for men in my country. Behind him was a balding dude, wearing all black and a large leather jacket, his below average slavic pug face wrecked with pimples. I'm being harsh to his appearance, but it will play an important part in what's coming next. I'm minding my own business until I hear the baldie say "my sister is a huge whore". It sounds less harsh in english, but saying whore in the way he said it is extremely disrespectful, especially towards someones sibling. "If I ever met her boyfriend, I would brutally beat both of them", he continues. The guy in the suit asks him why, and how old was she. The baldie says she's 17 and that she gets too emotionally invested in her relationships. Which sounds like the weirdest reason to call a young girl a whore lmao. This snippet of their conversation really piqued my interest, so I continued to listen. Their next conversation, led by baldie again, was about finding ideal women. "My ideal girlfriend would have to be religious. But there must be like two religious girls max in this city. I'd want somebody really devoted.", yeah, sure, guy who calls his own sister a whore, I'm sure a nice religious girl would love that display of love and kindness. The suit dude seems a bit perplexed because after all, this is a pretty catholic country, and we do have a lot of religious, timid girls suffering from arrested development due to their wonderful upbringing that would be an incels wet dream. These girls are usually also very active in the church and all kinds of similar communities, there's seriously no lack of them. So the suit guy asks him, why doesn't he just go to the church? "Oh, no no no, you see, the ones in the church are no good.", so the suit guy interjects and jokes how they're probably hypocrites, and not actually "real" catholics but the baldie replies with: "No, it's not just that. It's because women that attend the church are only after your money." - says a jobless man going to uni, who definitely does not have to worry about women going after his money. Then they talked something about politics which I wasn't able to hear well, but it was concluded with "non democratic societies are the best for men" to which the both agreed. Next they started joking about the suit guy because apparently this is how he dresses all the time, and baldies parents say he looks like a Mexican gangster. He does. Suit guy said something about baldies mom that I didn't hear well, but it ended with baldy saying "yes, opposites attract but I wouldn't want it that way", which made me think his dad is your typical low iq "catholic" retard and his mom is more chill as it is the norm here, and he has some kind of mommy issues due to it. After that they started insulting some girls in their university, how they're all ugly, while at the same time they sounded very excited over seeing them dressed more fancy, I'm assuming they're about to finish their bacchelors soon. Next theme was stocks. Baldie begins with a long monologue about how it was a smart idea to get into stocks and how he doesn't mind losing a 100€ here or there because after all, all the money he gets (keyword, gets not earns so I'm assuming it's from his parents) is spent only on food. The suit guy replies with "that's great, and this is why having no gf is great as well, you don't need to shower them with money, and spend absurd amounts of money on dates and gifts..." to which the baldie agrees. At this point, I know they've never talked with a normal woman in this country before, and all their ideas about dating came from american media and 4chan kek. In my whole life I've only met one couple that went to dates in restaurants in their early 20's. One. And they split it half half... Next theme was wet dreams, I kid you not. So the baldie asks the guy in the suit if he ever had wet dreams, to which he replies only once or twice. They started to go into the intricacies of realistic sex dreams but then segued into fitness, and how it's important to "get that energy out while exercising" instead of jerking off. Real mindblowing stuff.
I really had to write this all down so I can come back to it and laugh. It's like the baldie was reading through a bulletpoint list of the most common incel conversations. Thing is, I know my country has a lot of 4chan users. So many men I've met during my high school years and their friends were really open about it. Even at uni, I knew a group of dudes that would spout /fit/ memes in public. However, to be an unironic incel in my country has kind of been unheard of, because the way men here deal with loneliness, the way relationships and dating works here... it's a lot different. Men and women hang out together a lot more and when you're new in uni for example, it won't be weird to strike up random conversations with strangers regarding homework etc and carry on from there. People regularly go on coffee breaks together and hang out, it's not something reserved only for your closest friends. There's really no such thing as going on expensive dates, or women having crazy expectations of luxurious gifts. On some level we all grew up or had experience with poverty and people aren't as big on consuming as americans are (when I see what kind of shit my american/western euro friends can afford on a whim despite "struggling" with money or calling themselves frugal...). So unless these men are shooting for the girl in 2016 instagram makeup, 5 inch heels and fake lashes and done up hair that regularly parties every weekend that's only in the church because her nephew is getting baptised, which lets be honest, they are, because their self admitted coomer brains are incapable of perceiving modest women as human no matter how much they say they want a gf like that they won't and shouldn't really have issues with getting a girlfriend. My ex was fat and not really good looking, yet he had another gf after me without issues despite also balding at that time lmao. I've seen 35 year old Shreks in local villages with their 20 year old wives. Poor girls because they don't know any better and don't have much choice over there, but my point is, men have it easy here when it comes to dating. They're coddled by their families, especially if they come from smaller towns and villages. Outside of the family they'll always have other men supporting their backs and being good friends. So idk. There's really no excuse you can make here for being totally alone. Even I had to make an effort to be alone, because people truly do love hanging out here. I could hit up my friends from high school and they most likely wouldn't hesitate on asking me for a coffee to catch up and give me a few hours of their time. So yeah, hearing two dudes here, spouting off random shit they read online reeks of laziness and not even attempting to try and socialize because if they did they definitely would not have issues in doing so. Baldie looks like any random man, the suit guy looks like he huffs his own farts but he seems like the more social one out of the two. Such a strange thing to witness...
I've been playing more Kingdom Hearts 3 and now I'm on the dlc optional boss fights and generally have been lurking around the KH community online. Everything has changed since I last "participated" in the community and it feels strange. I used to be a regular on the KH threads on.. /v/? It was before they became a normal ocurrence on /vg/ I think. Before DDD came out, I was so up to date to everything, but now the mobile games brought so much lore I feel like I don't understand shit, even though KH3 felt self-contained, it really wasn't. Another interesting thing I noticed is that back when I was deep into KH, people shat on KH2's combat soooo much. And I get why, it felt really floaty and a lot of the weight from KH1 was gone, things could be cheesed with reflect... It lost a lot of KH1's "oomph", but now everyone hails it as the peak! Meanwhile, KH3's combat seems to have a lot of hate, which I don't get. It has a lot of animation locks and feels clunkier, but I think that adds to the difficulty. If everything can just be cancelled then you don't have to be as careful. I do think the iframes are worse though. Maybe I learned to appreciate tolerate that due to playing TERA for so long.