January 2021

I wish I could say I was busy the past week with just how much work I have to do, but I was kind of taking it easy. I started watching an anime called His and Her Circumstances and honestly I'm impressed so far, the characters are so good. It's a shojo romance anime, except there don't seem to be any ridiculous misunderstandings (at least so far) and the main characters start dating in the first couple of episodes, it feels really refreshing. I heard people have really divided opinions about it though so maybe bad things start to happen later on we will see. So far I was really impressed by the 7th episode, because honestly, I've never seen such good, healthy and positive parent/child relationships in anime that this left me kind of amazed. I also started messing around on everskies a bit, but I really do feel a tad too old for the current population lol. Apparently once it officially launches, which is today, there will be 18+ forums so I'll stick around to see how that goes. The doll maker aspect is really great though, I love the way the dolls look and the clothes are adorable. For a bit I had a fun time shitposting in the forums due to how fast they were but soon enough I found myself interacting with 13-16 year olds who think communism is the solution to all problems and that women were never opressed on the basis of their biological gender (obviously they wouldn't be aware of that because they're just kids that believe in whatever twitter tells them) and the realization that I'm too old for this shit kind of hit me. After that I retreated into lurk mode to just read their dumb opinions, I wonder how much all of them will change in 5-6 years honestly. It's really fun to argue like that online when you're a teen though.

An interesting thing I observed though was just how happy those kids were to give out their personal info, their instagram full of their selfies etc. Back when I hung around doll maker forums showing my 10 year old face wasn't even a thing I considered doing, privacy online was so much more important. Now all of them have their social media attached on their profiles, kind of weird to see how much internet has changed. I've seen the same thing here on neocities, people just love to associate as many things as possible with themselves and don't enjoy anonymity as much anymore I guess.

I've got barely a week left for a ton of uni projects but I got my period and for the first time in ages I'm in a state of agonizing pain. Why now body, I need to concentrate!! I guess it's because of all the anxiety I went through recently, I was wondering in which way will the stress manifest on my body.

On a lighter note I had a good time with my friends on Tuesday and I even slept over. It's funny how I'm always hyped for sleeping over but then I regret it next day when I have to go back home in the morning by train. This time was better than last time at least, if we ignore the massive cramping that is. And I had good spring rolls, might order them again next time.

Currently I'm drinking mint tea, took an ibuprofen and another pill to reduce muscle spasms. I hope this pain stops sometime soon.

A more relaxing entry than usual, I want to talk about how much I love to nap and sleep. There's nothing comfier than laying down in bed and dozing off as I feel my eyelids become heavier and heavier, especially in the afternoon. Light from the window stings my eyes so I lazily turn over to face the wall. The heaviness of my duvet feels amazing and I tuck my feet in such a way that prevents the air from entering. It's snowing outside and it's cold which only adds to the comfiness. I probably wasted a lot of time napping which is a firm opinion my boyfriend holds, but honestly I don't care, I'll take afternoon naps until the day I die!! He doesn't seem to understand how relaxing they are but that's alright, I love napping in his presence while he's doing something in the background, it makes for a great napping atmosphere honestly. He's the one missing out!

Earlier I had a conversation with him about how napping has been present in my life since I was born. My mom would always, and still does, take naps after lunch on the weekends and even in kindergarten we had afternoon naps. This is simply a part of who I am, and he must accept it... Frankly I wasn't much of a napping enthusiast as a kid, until 7th grade or so. It's like a switch inside of me flipped and suddenly getting up early in the morning and coming home from school made me very fatigued, so I started napping more often. I don't know what exactly happened that made me lose so much energy but ever since then I've been kind of a sleepy person. I can fall asleep easily in class. I sleep on the bus and train or anywhere where I can get mildly comfortable. I even fell asleep on my first flight despite being so adrenaline pumped and excited. I don't have an iron deficiency or anything so I don't think it's a medical issue. I just love to nap.

In the midst of all this chaos there's only a few things keeping me sane and happy. One of those things is my cat!! Usually she's not the cuddly type but ever since the earthquake hit it's almost as if she's trying to comfort me. She's always next to me when I'm at home, and during the night she cuddles up close to me and my mom. She purrs me to sleep and in the morning she wakes me up by laying down right next to my head. She has never been this affectionate and I wonder if it's because she can sense we're still stressed and uneasy, she's probably scared herself. Even right now she's laying next to me on my mattress on the floor, snoring. I love that creature!!

In other news I visited my sister and stayed over for 2 days. I was so happy to see her and hang out with her, she's the best. Also she gave me the clothes she bought when sales started, I got so many cute sweaters, they're cute af. Funnily enough while I was with her another stronger earthquake hit my town but we barely felt it. That night I slept well.

Mentally I feel like I still can't totally relax but I'll have to start doing all of my homeworks now so that will be interesting. I can't focus for shit but I'm trying to kickstart my brain by writing this diary entry, hopefully it chills me out a bit. Another thing that chilled me out were engineers that came to take a look at our building, they said we'd be able to withstand strong earthquakes which is great to hear. One of my sisters friends lost her home. She lived in a building and apparently it's in such a bad state that her and her mom were only allowed to go in with firefighters and take the most important things. They lost everything. And of course out of all people my sis talked with, that girl was the most optimistic and positive. I'm not really materialistic nor do I have a lot of things but the thought of losing my home sounds so traumatic. But then again, when the strongest earthquake hit I was just lucky to get out alive and I didn't really care for my belongings.

2021 here we are. I never talked about where I live precisely because I wanted to remain as anonymous as possible but this impacted my life so hard I'll have to mention it. On the 29th my town was the epicenter of a massive earthquake. Well, massive for my area, magnitude of 6.2. So many people lost their homes and are now traumatized for the rest of their lives. I still have troubles falling asleep but luckily my building seems to be in a decent state. We will find out more once the engineers come to take a look at it, slowly they're looking at all of the buildings and houses in the impacted area. For the first two nights I slept in my car but slowly I'm getting less tense and now I'm sleeping in my living room on my matress, with my mom. My sister was in another town when this hit, so thankfully she didn't feel it as hard as we did. Apparently half of Europe felt it. Recovering from this will take years, and much longer than it would in other countries because ours is very incompetent. Bleh I don't even want to talk about it much anymore. I might volunteer soon, I'll look into it. Currently all I can say is I'm hoping 2021 will be the most monotonous and uneventful year of my life.